There’s this nagging angst that follows me like a black cloud that says I haven’t done things well enough or right enough or productive enough or timely enough.
And it compiles.
There’s the counters, the sinks, the floors. The drawers, the closets, the toilets. The vacuuming, the dusting and the organizing. And that’s just the house.
There’s also the writing, the marketing and the new book I need to start—but fear that it won't be good enough.
And my quiet time with the Lord—I never start it early enough or make it long enough or read my Bible enough or pray enough.
And then there’s the parenting.
With its swirling black hole of guilt that wants to swallow every good mommy thing I’ve done and spit back all the should haves: I should have read to them more, hugged them more, snapped at them less, and savored their toddlerhood instead of counting the days to school. I should have known they’d grow up and not rushed them through it.
Can I say enough already?
Did you know that you can rearrange the letters in “doing it right enough” and get a whole new phrase? Kind of like an anagram.
Here let me show you. “Doing it right enough” also spells: Satan’s Big Lie.
Okay, so the letters might not exactly fit, but that’s the ingenuousness of his plan. He hides behind words. He deceives us. And we take ownership of his suggestions until they are running our lives.
He railroads us straight into performance until the “should haves,” “right enoughs” and “if onlys” plague our minds like some kind of disease that devours peace.
We’re like hamsters on a performance wheel wearing a black sign that states: WE WILL NEVER ARRIVE AT THE DESTINATION. Those lies take us in circles because just as soon as we think we’ve nailed it another “should have” or “need to do” pops up.
The part that is both sad and yet so cool, is that if we have asked Jesus to live in our hearts, we already have freedom. It’s sad that we don’t believe it and yet cool that He’s waiting to teach us how to walk in that freedom NOW.
For those of you that need some concrete truth to back up what I just said, check out Gal. 3:2b-5:
Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? . . . After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort? . . . Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by your observing the law, or by your believing what you heard?
Pretty neat. He died so that we might live out from under the weight of the should haves and need to dos. Ask him to show you how.