Thursday, September 18, 2008

Husbands and Non-issues

Apparently this is the week of revelations.

I am smidgen task-oriented. My hubby would likely describe it in stronger, more glaring terms, but since it's my blog, I'm free to downplay it all I please.

But I admit that I am a go-getter. I need problems solved . . . NOW.

And I want to be first in line with the solution. I'm quick to point everyone's attention to myself, "If you'll just follow my lead, everything will be just fine."

This is primarily directed to the short people in our family, small dogs and the occasional husband.

Mat got up at 4:30 am the other morning to run with some neighbors, on a mere four hours sleep. By evening it was like sitting on the couch next to a loaf of bread.

Of course my mind jumps ahead to weeks and weeks of sitting next to this loaf of bread and trying to have intimate conversations to deepen our marriage relationship as he nods off to the next commercial. I wasn't seeing it.

The next morning, in the subtle way I have (please, no snarky laughter here), I asked if he was planning on any more of these middle of the night runs.

He nodded and told me what a great jump start it was to working out again. I bluntly stated that it wasn't working out for me.

He acquired that wise look in his eye and stated gently, "Not everything has to be an issue."

I deciphered the code hidden behind the words. "I've only run with them one day; please climb off my back, dear."

Once again, he was absolutely right. Everything that isn't running smoothly or on track according to the experts (ahem, that would be moi and moi), doesn't necessarily need to be discussed, addressed, dissected, deciphered, scrutinized or resolved.

Especially not in the next half hour.

I find that I want immediate results and immediate action. I want my issues to become critical to the whole family. But that isn't loving and it's not serving, except in the sense that it's self-serving, which is not pretty.

Afterall, it's not just about me. Right?


  1. I have learned--and it took me way too long--that the less "issues" I address, the less we have. Some things run (pardon the pun) their course and lose their importance. Our "emotional" projections accomplish little for building solidarity. Encourage, encourage, encourage. It comes back at ya.

    Your honesty is refreshing, however. :) Hang in there. You'll learn. Don't let it take you as long as it took me.

  2. Oh, Sherri - this made me laugh! I, too am the goal oriented one in our family and make much of things that could be left alone.

    Lovely to know I am not alone :)

  3. Nicole,
    Love your thoughts. Yea, it's only taken me 16 yrs to get to this point. It's amazing the poor guy doesn't have a nervous tick by now!

  4. Rel,
    We could probably form a club! Glad it made you laugh. Nice to know I'm not the only one too!