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But it wasn't until I got a concerned note from my son's six grade teacher about a nose dive in missing assignments that I figured out what was going on.
We were nearing the six month anniversary of my father-in-law's death. According to grief experts it's a difficult milestone.
My reservoir was swinging toward empty but life's challenges didn't slow down to keep pace. They kept coming at full fury.
I wanted to pull over into an emotional rest stop. When I signed up to me a wife and mom, I forgot to ask about the vacation benefits (found out there's no sick pay either).
While the benefits of being a wife and mom far outweigh the challenges, those low spots can be pretty low and pretty lonely.
Quiet times can feel desolate.
It's easy to get caught up in emotional negativity. If I don't "feel" God near me, I could assume that I hadn't lived up to heavenly standards and he withdrew some of His love for me.
I know, if I hadn't been floundering in pain and defeat I'd have realized that is counter to everything Jesus said about our Father's heart.
But I'm learning a principle that I heard Graham Cooke speak about once: God is always present to our faith and occasionally we feel Him.
I love that. When life gets overwhelming, stand on what you know to be true.
God will never leave us nor forsake us. Amen!
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Grief grabs and then gets put on hold. When it's unsatisfied, it grabs again. How can we know how we'll respond to things which devastate us? And how can we recognize it in children when we don't even see its effects in ourselves?
ReplyDeleteLosing a loved one is a pain that heals over the long term. And not easily. We think we're deficient because sometimes we can't cope with "normal". What's wrong with us?
Sometimes the whole life, parent, wife thing is just dang hard. Yeah, we have blessings upon blessings, but we still have to deal with emotions that run wild, an enemy that taunts us with our weaknesses, and a faith which sometimes stumbles over the emotional, physical, and spiritual boulders in our way.
Hang in there, Pretty Girl. You're never alone. Jesus loves you deeply and weeps with you when you need to . . .
Thank you so much, Nicole. Brought me to tears, actually. You always have such great insights.
ReplyDeleteSherri